A Lesson from Abraham

So I have really been wrestling with some things the past week or so. But today was a great day! It started with this morning's My Utmost. I LOVE that I can get it emailed to me. Since I get my email on my phone, I have a motivation to grab my phone when the alarm goes off. Then I can read it first thing in the morning! How's that for using technology to add to your walk? haha But anyway, it was very good. But God really put some things on my heart and has given me a peace... and today I was able to focus and not be distracted by personal things, which made the day that much better!

This might not make much sense, but hey, I'm complicated! :) So, about 4 days after I found out the truth, my anger began to gently subside. The "I could absolutely never trust him again" thoughts weren't there as much. It's obviously there and will be for a very long time. But the desire to run away and be as far away from anyone involved forever... wasn't there. My freaking compassion set in. I became convicted of the picture of the cross.

How many times am I unfaithful to the Lord? He takes me back every time. I never deserve it. Yet that never stops my amazing Heavenly father.  So I began to reexamine the situation. What if... *gasp*... I am supposed to not only forgive, but one day accept someone back who does not deserve to be taken back?  In the beginning of the week, I prayed "Please God, don't make me." Honestly, I did. And then part of me thought, how I could I say "never would I take you back" when God takes me back every time?  Now, please keep in mind, that this is not a decision I would make in the near future. For this to ever be an actual consideration, it would be far far far in the future.  I'm nowhere near ready to trust anyone again. And he is nowhere near ready to be what he would need to be.... whatever that is.

But the Lord spoke to me through loved ones and His word. And here is the encouragement I have found, and the decision I have chosen to make.  I have a point set in the future, at which I can say, Ok, when I get there, that's when I'll decide where to go from there. For now, absolutely nothing I'm saying applies, other than just staying focused on God.  But when I get to that point, the Lord could tell me several things.
He could say:

• Reconsider your "never would I" statement
• Keep waiting, he's not ready yet
• Move on, but I am keeping you single for a season
• Move on, I have been preparing someone else for you

Or something else I can't even think of! As I said, my thoughts at this stage have tended to lean towards that last one. But over the past couple of days, I have become more open to the Lord's leading, whatever that may be. I know the Lord will make His will known to me absolutely clearly. And as much as I don't really want to think about trying to trust someone who took advantage of my trust, I will do whatever the Lord commands. Whatever He asks me to do, I will obey. This morning I was reminded of Abraham  and when he took Isaac up to the mountain.

  ¹ Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
      "Here I am," he replied.

 ² Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

 ³ Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. ⁴ On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. ⁵ He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

 ⁶ Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, ⁷ Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
      "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.
      "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

 ⁸ Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

 ⁹ When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. ¹⁰ Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"
      "Here I am," he replied.

 ¹² "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

 ¹³ Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram  caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. ¹⁴ So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided." 

Genesis 22: 1-14

Praise God for His provision! Just as the Lord provided a sacrifice for Abraham, so will He provide for me a husband. And maybe it's not going to be through restoring this relationship. But maybe I have to show Him that I'm willing to obey Him no matter the cost, no matter how much I might not want to, and no matter how it doesn't seem to make any sense. Maybe it's just a test of faith and as I prove my faithfulness as Abraham did, He will provide for me. 

So it is because of this, I pray, just as my dear Savior once did:

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42