An optimistic realist?

I'm having so many inward struggles right now. It's hard not to. They are all just a struggle to 'get it right', if you will. I just want to please the Lord. Yet I do this terribly. *sigh*

I'm currently struggling with the picture of Christianity that I see in some others. Perfection is used to describe everything in this person's Facebook profile. I'm all about being positive and uplifting, because of Who I find my strength in. But perfect? My life is far from it. I admire this person in many ways and I know they are doing great things. But what kind of portrayal does "perfect" have to others whose lives are not so perfect?

I feel that I am the complete opposite. I feel like I have very little "perfect" in my life. I know I'm in the middle of God's will with where I am and what I am doing with my life, and I'm just going to assume (though I do know it to be true) that the same is true in terms of being in a relationship-- God's will is that I am not in one right now, which is also fine. But when reality hits, am I just jealous? I really don't think so. I do not envy this person's position nor wish to be in their shoes. I would want to be no one but myself because although there are parts of my life that I certainly wish were different, there are also elements of my life that I would never trade for the world.

I love where I go to medical school and my friends and many parts of it. But I would never consider my experience the "perfect medical school" experience. It's hard. REALLY hard. And sometimes, I hate it. And sometimes, I feel like I suck at life. Sometimes I just wish I were anywhere but where I am. And that's real life to me. It's not always a wonderful cozy feeling. Sometimes, you just want a certain part of your life to be over. Not life in general, just certain phases. Is that wrong? Is it right? Is there such a thing as a right or wrong opinion on not loving life all the time?

I guess what I am wondering now is, where does joy that is overflowing crossover into humility of being broken? I am a child who is chosen by the King of Kings... what could bring greater excitement? Yet, nothing I have done has earned me this position. It is because of Who God is that I even have a chance. Of course, I desire to share this joy with those around me. But I'd be lying to myself (and others), if I convinced them that it meant my life suddenly became perfect.

Call me downtrodden and dark. Call me a pessimist. But I'd like to think of myself as an optimistic realist (and in some ways, an idealist).