Modification

I have noticed that too many posts lately have been selfish. I have been too selfish. Some of it's my fault... some of it is situational. I seriously want to throw dating and romance out the window. Please, just give me a husband and let me move on with my life. Ok and I'm trailing back to self-centeredness.

So many of my earlier posts were full of joy and excitement from the Lord. The past week they have spiraled downhill. I guess it's more realistic. This has once again become me ranting annoyingly with some attempt to gather my thoughts together. Clearly they are struggles and not spiritually rich and sources of refreshment for others. For the first time, I went back to delete part of a post. I never did that with my livejournal. I may delete that particular post altogether. I go back and forth. It's hard because I have no clue who reads this. Someone could read this and I may end up absolutely horrified. Or no one cares and I could put all my deepest darkest secrets on here (because I have such an interesting secret life... not) and so much to tell.

Here is my turning point. My life, my blog, my everything needs to turn back to God. Not my pathetic dating situation. Not my annoyance with a friend who insists that I should be dating him. Not my infatuation with someone I barely know who barely knows I exist (or doesn't care to) and lives 400 miles away from me 90% of the year.

I want my reflections to be positive, uplifting and inspiring to all who read. Not dull, annoying, and pointless. We'll see how long I can do this until my blog takes another nosedive. I guess the one thing about this blog is that it's an actual process for me. If everything I put here was happy, sweet, and full of sugar, it wouldn't be all that realistic. It's a true portrayal of my ups and downs.

Tomorrow is church. I am excited about being refreshed and experiencing more of the "ups" for a little while.